You've Gotta Fight for Your Right to Vaaaaacuum

Your carpet is dirty and you don't want it so

You ask your husband, please, but he still says, No!

Now living at home is such a drag

Cuz your husband threw away your best cleaning rag

You gott fight

For your right

To vacuum!

Feminism is for the birds. I wanna vaccum, dammit! About 5.5 months from now I will slap myself for saying this, but I literally had to talk Bill in to letting me vacuum today. As paranoid as I am about everything these days, (mosquitoes, hotdogs, pills of any kind except for my vitamin, cold cuts, driving, etc, etc, etc), the one thing I haven't been afraid of is cleaning and cleaning supplies. Funny enough, that is the one thing Bill is worried about. So much so that for the past couple of Saturdays in a row he hasn't let me clean, except to sweep and mop, neither of which involve chemicals. Bill is the best husband and future father that I could ask for, but it is a little bit of a challenge for me to not reach for that can of Pledge. It's in my blood, what can I say. I don't know if I convey my gratitude enough to Bill really, so if you see him give him a pat on the back. And tell him it's ok for me to vacuum.

Switching gears now, I want to document my most memorable, favorite moments of our first trimester, since it's officially history:

• Finding out we were pregnant.
• Seeing my dad tear up when we told him (minutes after finding out).
• The fizzy Pop drink Carolyn gave me to toast with that same evening. Sharing that day with her was like icing on the cake (my favorite part of any cake).
• The look on my mom's face when we told her (first the jaw drop, then the huge smile, then the tearing).
• The look on Bill's face when he made the phone call to his mom. I wish it could have been in person but I know it was just as special for him to tell his parents as it was for me to tell mine. Our families have been our biggest cheerleaders, supporters and picker uppers. Besides us, no one was more vested in this than they were. Because of them I don't have any worries about how Bill and I will do as parents. We've learned from the best.
• Telling our friends the news. Some of our closest friends were with us all along our journey and our struggle with infertility. Without them we could've been completely consumed with depression but they kept us going, kept us laughing, and were constant reminders that there was life outside our little bubble of sadness.
• I was so nervous waiting for our first sonogram. Bill made up a little song, "There's a baby in there", that he sang to me everyday to make me feel better. A little positive affirmation that there really was a baby in there. 
• Our first sonogram and seeing the baby and the heartbeat for the first time. That was my first glimpse of what being a mom felt like. Nothing else, nothing, in the world mattered more to me more than that teeny, tiny being the size of a Lima bean. I knew from that moment on that I would never do, say or feel anything again without thinking of that Lima bean at the same time.
• Walking out of our fertility doc's clinic for the last time (or at least for a long time). It felt like the last day of school senior year. Scary but also incredibly exhilarating and freeing. 
• Our second sonogram. Seeing the baby's profile, spine, arms, legs and feet. And best of all, seeing and hearing the heart beat this time. It sounds like a freight train it beats so fast. It's amazing. It's beautiful. How anyone can experience pregnancy and not be convinced in the power of God, I do not know.
• The box of maternity clothes and pregnancy affirmations cd Carolyn sent. From the time we were kids we day dreamed about weddings and having kids, as sisters do. I remember dreams about our adult families spending Christmases together and cousins being the best of friends. To share this experience with Carolyn is awesome. Since I can remember, I always wanted to be just like her (who wouldn't?!). I was so nervous but wearing the clothes she sent me, the same ones she wore when she was pregnant, made me feel better, like a kid carrying around their blanket or precious stuffed animal. Just that subtle reminder of you're okay; you're not alone.
• Telling the rest of our family and friends, and everyone in our world our news. Right after we posted our Facebook announcements I just sat and cried for a minute. I was overcome by the emotion of remembering every other Facebook pregnancy announcement that broke my heart, asking if it would ever be us; praying it would someday be us. I am humbled everyday.

So, so far the second tri is off to a good start. I feel less nervous and anxious now. I'm letting myself enjoy being pregnant (the proof is in my pantry!). I've even told complete strangers that I am pregnant, (the salesperson at the mall that tried to tell me I would look "great" in a size 2, skin tight mini dress. Ha!). And I love how excited Bill is too. He tells strangers that we're pregnant too (solicitors, random neighbors). You would think he's all proud about it or something ;)   I now have more energy than I did. I can stay awake past 9 pm! I am having some mild heartburn a couple nights a week, and I've been getting headaches some, but nothing that I can't tolerate. I have no complaints, really. 

Although that size 2 mini dress was pretty cute....