Saturday, March 15, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
James 1:5
Change takes on a whole new meaning when becoming a parent. I thought I knew what the affects of change felt like until I had a baby. Because now not only does change affect me, it affects the tiny person so much of my world revolves around. They say a baby changes everything, which is absolutely right, but what should be added to that statement is, a baby changes everything - over and over and over.
Will has changed. Will is changing. He's less and less a baby every week. In the infant stages, before he was mobile, I used to think to myself how much easier taking care of him would be once he was a toddler. In some respects it is, in others it's harder. Now he has to be supervised constantly. If you miss a moment with him he may crawl halfway up the stairs by himself, bite into a dog treat, lick a shoe, or the least entertaining of these, fall down. We're also into new territory with him where he's trying to exert some independence. He wants more of a voice now. But since he can't talk he just writhes around on the floor, or screams for no reason, or freaks the F out when I lay him down on the changing table. None of these actions really tells me anything I can figure except, DAMMIT, LISTEN TO ME! At which point I channel Adam Sandler - ALRIIIIIGHT! And there's the inevitable tantrum throwing when the precious object of the minute that he's not supposed to have, like the knife he pulled from the dishwasher, is taken out of his hand. Now I've committed the worst offense in the Toddler Book of Law!
Will's emotional development also comes with a lot of good, fun things though. He's started dancing which is impossible not to find more hilarious and entertaining than watching internet cat videos. He says "wow" and mimics so much of what we say and do. Bill installed some new monitors and laid on his back under the desk so Will got down right next to him on his back. He fed Grandma's dog Cheerios from his hand. He has more interest in books now. He's going through some separation anxiety lately, with me in particular, but that may have more to do with him starting daycare.
Daycare. We decided to send him to one of the Primrose schools. We had a personal recommendation and know they're the creme de le creme in the daycare world (or that's what their "tuition" rate says), and they're very nice there. They come with the highest marks according to the Texas Dept of Child and Family Protective Services, and D Magazine named them the best in daycare this year. We're confident he's well-cared for there (he started last week), and will continue to be as he progresses through the age-appropriate classes. Best of all he had a great first week. Every teacher and operations staffer commented on how easily he's adjusting and how sweet is (Duh!). He's eating, he's even sleeping, he plays, he comes home and is relatively relaxed. He doesn't cry all night or any of these other horrifying things I feared. But it's not Grandma's. It will never be Grandma's.
We love Grandma and will be forever grateful to the year she dedicated to him. I know Will benefited in countless immeasurable ways, and I really don't know how I ever would've made it through my first day of work after maternity leave if he were any where else, but all good things must come to an end. My mom's husband finally made it to retirement so they're free to live out their Golden Years they way they dreamed, and the way they very much deserve. I know it's been very emotional for my mom to let him go but this is the time in her life meant for her to enjoy the fruits of her labor. And it's the time to accept that daycare is different, but it's not all the negative stigmas. The biggest negative we're experiencing right now is exposure to germs. I'm home with Will as I type this because he's got a nasty cold I'm sure he picked up at daycare last week. This too shall pass and maybe daycare germs will mean more resistance in the future.
I try to remember what my sister tells me every morning I wake up to send Will off to daycare: no situation is perfect. If you stay home, it's hard. If you work, it's hard. I've battled my decision to work since the day Will was born, but the transition to daycare really forced me to question, and make the choice, all over again. Putting Will in daycare has been the hardest decision to make since becoming a mom. We considered in-home child care but I wasn't comfortable leaving him with anyone without a personal recommendation, and we needed someone not too far from home. A nanny was not affordable. So the decision came down to daycare vs becoming a SAHM. I don't want to get into why/how we came to the decision to chose daycare, because it's complicated and quite personal, (but if you're interested to know feel free to ask me and I will tell you!). But it is the most agonizing decision I have made as a mom to date. Like any big decision, all I can suggest is pray, pray, pray. Then pray some more. I liked this one from gospelcoalition.org:
"Dear heavenly Father, You number our hairs and determine our days; You hang the stars and feed the sparrows; You open doors no one can shut and shut doors no one can open. Surely, we can trust You when the time comes for making big decisions, or for that matter, any decisions. I’m in just such a season again, Father, and I know I’m not alone. We will trust You for generous wisdom, straight paths and peaceful hearts, all for Your glory.
Will has changed. Will is changing. He's less and less a baby every week. In the infant stages, before he was mobile, I used to think to myself how much easier taking care of him would be once he was a toddler. In some respects it is, in others it's harder. Now he has to be supervised constantly. If you miss a moment with him he may crawl halfway up the stairs by himself, bite into a dog treat, lick a shoe, or the least entertaining of these, fall down. We're also into new territory with him where he's trying to exert some independence. He wants more of a voice now. But since he can't talk he just writhes around on the floor, or screams for no reason, or freaks the F out when I lay him down on the changing table. None of these actions really tells me anything I can figure except, DAMMIT, LISTEN TO ME! At which point I channel Adam Sandler - ALRIIIIIGHT! And there's the inevitable tantrum throwing when the precious object of the minute that he's not supposed to have, like the knife he pulled from the dishwasher, is taken out of his hand. Now I've committed the worst offense in the Toddler Book of Law!
Will's emotional development also comes with a lot of good, fun things though. He's started dancing which is impossible not to find more hilarious and entertaining than watching internet cat videos. He says "wow" and mimics so much of what we say and do. Bill installed some new monitors and laid on his back under the desk so Will got down right next to him on his back. He fed Grandma's dog Cheerios from his hand. He has more interest in books now. He's going through some separation anxiety lately, with me in particular, but that may have more to do with him starting daycare.
Daycare. We decided to send him to one of the Primrose schools. We had a personal recommendation and know they're the creme de le creme in the daycare world (or that's what their "tuition" rate says), and they're very nice there. They come with the highest marks according to the Texas Dept of Child and Family Protective Services, and D Magazine named them the best in daycare this year. We're confident he's well-cared for there (he started last week), and will continue to be as he progresses through the age-appropriate classes. Best of all he had a great first week. Every teacher and operations staffer commented on how easily he's adjusting and how sweet is (Duh!). He's eating, he's even sleeping, he plays, he comes home and is relatively relaxed. He doesn't cry all night or any of these other horrifying things I feared. But it's not Grandma's. It will never be Grandma's.
We love Grandma and will be forever grateful to the year she dedicated to him. I know Will benefited in countless immeasurable ways, and I really don't know how I ever would've made it through my first day of work after maternity leave if he were any where else, but all good things must come to an end. My mom's husband finally made it to retirement so they're free to live out their Golden Years they way they dreamed, and the way they very much deserve. I know it's been very emotional for my mom to let him go but this is the time in her life meant for her to enjoy the fruits of her labor. And it's the time to accept that daycare is different, but it's not all the negative stigmas. The biggest negative we're experiencing right now is exposure to germs. I'm home with Will as I type this because he's got a nasty cold I'm sure he picked up at daycare last week. This too shall pass and maybe daycare germs will mean more resistance in the future.
I try to remember what my sister tells me every morning I wake up to send Will off to daycare: no situation is perfect. If you stay home, it's hard. If you work, it's hard. I've battled my decision to work since the day Will was born, but the transition to daycare really forced me to question, and make the choice, all over again. Putting Will in daycare has been the hardest decision to make since becoming a mom. We considered in-home child care but I wasn't comfortable leaving him with anyone without a personal recommendation, and we needed someone not too far from home. A nanny was not affordable. So the decision came down to daycare vs becoming a SAHM. I don't want to get into why/how we came to the decision to chose daycare, because it's complicated and quite personal, (but if you're interested to know feel free to ask me and I will tell you!). But it is the most agonizing decision I have made as a mom to date. Like any big decision, all I can suggest is pray, pray, pray. Then pray some more. I liked this one from gospelcoalition.org:
"Dear heavenly Father, You number our hairs and determine our days; You hang the stars and feed the sparrows; You open doors no one can shut and shut doors no one can open. Surely, we can trust You when the time comes for making big decisions, or for that matter, any decisions. I’m in just such a season again, Father, and I know I’m not alone. We will trust You for generous wisdom, straight paths and peaceful hearts, all for Your glory.
How we praise You for being the decision-making-God. It’s not our decisions, but Yours that make all the difference. We will plan, but we trust You to order our steps. We will pray, but ask You to fix our prayers en route to heaven. We will seek counsel, but count on You to overrule faulty or incomplete input from our most trusted friends and mentors. We will search the Scriptures, not looking for proof in texts but for you, Father. All we want and need is You.
Free us from the paralysis of analysis—wanting to make the right decision, more than we want to be righteous people; wanting to be known as wise people, more than we want to know You. Free us from the idolatry of assuming there’s only one “perfect” choice in any given situation. Free us from making decisions primary for our comfort and other’s approval, or fear their disapproval. Free us to know that good choices don’t always lead to the easiest outcomes, especially at first. Free us from second and twenty-second guessing our decisions.
Father, no matter if it’s wisdom about buying or selling, vocation or vacation, this place or that place, this person or that person, we know that in ALL things, Your will is our sanctification—our becoming more and more like Jesus. Give us this passion; make it our delight.
So, Father, make us more and more like Jesus, even as we trust You for the opening and closing of doors that are in front of us. All for your glory—in our eating and drinking; and in our whatever’s, whenever’s and wherever’s. So Amen we pray, in the name of our reigning King, Jesus.
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