Still Fighting It

Do you know what the worst part about growing up is? I think I do. I think it's watching the people you love, your family, your parents, grow old. And for me lately it's the stark realization that I will come to know life without them. It's unimaginable, yes. But it's inevitable. Someone very close to me and my sister, (not one of our parents) is dying. For the first time in my life I am witness to watching someone who's been in our lives 17 years, that's half my life, slip away before my very eyes. What's keeping me up right now when I should be falling asleep for the night is knowing this won't be the last time. Bill and I together will have to experience this five more times between our parents and their partners. Five more times. Fuck.

I suppose I should segway this post into something positive, like live life to the fullest; hold your love ones tighter, blah blah blah. But I don't want to. I want to say I think watching people die sucks. I want to say that I wish no one had to do that. I want to say that I don't want someone to watch me die. I want to say that no matter how grown up I think I am - how grown up I look or act - I am a child inside that will always want my mommy and daddy. Aren't we all?

I had these thoughts while I listened to Ben Folds alone today in my car.

I couldn't out drive them so I listened to the song on repeat. And sang along. And cried. And gave up on growing up.

"Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
You'll try and try
And one day
You'll fly
Away from me"

18 Months

Will is 18 months now! His infancy is just a memory. He doesn't look like a baby anymore. He doesn't act like a baby anymore. Each month he turns more and more into a little person with tangible feelings and personality. He has mastered the sensorimotor development phase of his life according to "Wonder Weeks." It's a new chapter of his life.

At 18 months:

• Will is speaking discernible words: hi, babe, bye, yeah, yum yum, book ("ook"), mama + dada of course, thank you ("annoo"). Amazingly we haven't heard the word "no" come out of him yet....
• Sleeps in his crib! The pack n play is officially in pack status, thanks to the long w/e we spent at Aunt Carolyn's. He slept in her crib there and he adapted to ours at home when we came back.
• Doesn't drink from a bottle at all anymore. For about 6 weeks I stopped rocking him with a bottle at bedtime. Instead I gave him bottle he drank from throughout our bedtime routine. I went out with some girlfriends one night and Bill had bedtime duty, which I usually do, and I figured if he could get Will to sleep fine without a bottle than it was time. I feel like I don't give Will enough credit; I think he's not ready for something when in reality he's probably been ready for a long time. This is something I will have to be more conscious of in the future...
• He sleeps from about 8pm - 6:30 am, and he takes one nap from about 12:30-3:00 every day. He's been on the one nap schedule for almost 6 months now. The first two weeks of transitioning from two to one were a little tough but it's nice now to only be confined to the house once a day. I actually dread the day he drops naps all together. How will I ever get anything done?!
• He loves to color, play outside, "cook" (play with spoons, pots + pans, bowls), go to the park, play with Nalani, go for rides in his stroller, run at the mall, (or anywhere really), electronics, (he's obsessed with iphones and ipads, and if he sees a remote control, forget about it), he likes to take things apart and try to put them back together, he likes to play with his cars + trucks, he likes to be read to and he "reads" books every night in his crib; he loves roughhousing with us, and he's started to become interested in Elmo and climbing. We've caught him a couple times trying to climb on top of the coffee table. He's not an overly physical kid though which is a blessing! 
• Will has a somewhat timid personality. My mom says he reminds her a lot of me as a child. When I was a child I was the extreme of shy. I really couldn't stand for strangers to even talk to me. I was very cautious and fearful of many things. Will isn't to those extremes but in unfamiliar settings and crowds he is guarded. He doesn't want to jump right in to the chaos. We have to watch for a little while on the sidelines, and then once he's comfortable he immerses himself. Bill is not, and has never been, of this mindset, so sometimes I have to remind him we have to take it slow and let Will test out the water before diving in. 
• But he loves people! He loves attention, he talks a lot, and he likes being in public places where he can people watch. He's very affectionate and gives out hugs and kisses to those he knows and loves.

We had a great July spending lots of time with family. We spent the 4th at my Mom and Dan's house which was relaxing. Will had a great time running around their property. He saw geese and deer, played with Grandma and Guppy's dog Bailey, and enjoyed their attention. 

Dancing with Grandma

Dancing with Guppy

Baseball with Guppy

Beautiful from Grandma's back porch

Snuggles

We found out we're having another baby niece around Thanksgiving! My little brother David and his girlfriend Raine found out they're having a girl, Adilynn Grace (don't you love it?!). I am so thrilled! It's so much easier (and maybe a little more fun) to spoil little girls ;-)  And Dan's daughter, Nicki, and her husband Chris, are expecting their first baby! It's a girl and she's due just a few days before Will's second birthday!

July 28th our new niece, baby Avery, was born. Bill's sister Nicole and baby Avery are doing great. We can't wait to visit Michigan over Thanksgiving and meet baby Avery.

The last week-end in July Will and I went flew to Illinois to visit the Oldenburgs. We had such a blast! Will couldn't get enough of his cousins, Cora, 5 (almost 6), Liese, 3, and baby Marin, 8 weeks. Cora was so sweet with Will and treated him like a doting big sister; Liese and Will palled around together all w/e, and Will was very good with baby Marin. He didn't get jealous when I held her or paid attention to her, he checked on her a few times when she cried, he'd gently pet her head and say, "hi babe" (babe is the term I use most with him). So everyone got along great and I of course cherished every moment with my precious girls and my sister and brother-in-law. They are pretty much my favorite family ever and anytime I am with them is a happy time. I was so lucky that Will traveled like a champ and slept great at Aunt Carolyn's. I was nervous this being the first time I'd flown solo with him, but I followed all the recommendations from friends and the internet, and I'm just really lucky Will is an easy going kid.

I found it hilarious that in a room full of toys this is what he wanted to play with.

This will probably be on the Christmas wish list this year...

On August 1st my best friend's girlfriend gave birth to their son, Brayden Alexander! They're all doing great and going home today. I am anxiously standing by to meet him. They are like family to us and we'll always consider him our nephew, and I know he and Will will be like brothers.

The last meaningful event is Bill's promotion! In only 6 months at this company Bill has earned himself a major promotion. He's now Manager of Client Services, managing 5 or 6 guys (I forget which), and they're looking to hire one more. One of his guys is in AZ and one is in their London office. And when I say managing I literally mean managing! He's responsible for their performance reviews and all things HR-related. Bill still reports to the same boss, the VP, but he's had a lot more interaction with the executive team the past several weeks. I couldn't be more proud of him. He's going to make a great boss and he's going so many exciting places at this company. Oh and his weight loss is now at 30+ pounds! The minute he lets me I'm posting After pictures all over the place. He looks amazing.

The year is more than half over now and most days all three of us feel happy and content. It's been a long time since I think either Bill or I have felt that way on an almost daily basis. Everyone's lives have ups and downs but we're taking full advantage of the ups and riding these waves all the way to the shore if we can.

Cowabunga....

 

I took two days off work and spent some QT with Will, just the two of us. We had such a great time. One of the benefits of being a working mom is that you really take full advantage of the time you do have with your family. It never feels boring or mundane.

First haircut! A little nervous but no tears.